Several major coal companies have collaborated to develop a revolutionary new product. Today the collaboration, known as the New Coal Conglomerate, announced they will be switching their mines to the manufacture of synthetic coal.
"The advantages are enormous", one executive said. "Synthetic coal doesn't release CO2 when burnt, it releases oxygen. That means that people will live longer and healthier lives and have an endless cheap supply of electricity."
As of today, it is expected that two hundred coal-fired power stations will switch to synthetic coal with another 1000 worldwide expected to convert to synthetic coal within the next 12 months. The power plants need no adaptation. The synthetic product works in exactly the same way as old-fashioned coal did, except that it has no waste products.
The companies have recruited Viscount Lord Sir Monckton of Bencham to promote the new product. He will tour the USA and Canada before going to Australia and New Zealand to meet with their Prime Ministers.
On hearing the news, several bloggers closed their blogs. "We don't have anything to write about any more", said one blogger whose website is devoted to blog-peer-reviewed science. Visibly upset he continued: "With the switch to synthetic coal, the supply of blog-peer-reviewed science has dried up instantaneously."
When asked what he would do next he said, "I'm thinking of heading up to Alberta. There is talk of synthetic tar sands and it's time to put a stop to all this synthetic material. We're hiring a fleet of buses to head up there and protest. We need natural fossil fuels, not synthetic ones. The synthetic ones pose all sorts of risks to human health but particularly to taxes."
Walkers, wheelchairs and nebulisers will be made available to everyone who takes part in the anti-synthetic protest.
AGU Fall Meeting 2014
Click here for instructions on how to view the 2014 AGU Fall Meeting sessions, how to navigate the program, plus more. (This notice will remain as a sticky for reference.)